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Monday, March 27, 2006
Sorry journal.
I didn't mean to forget you. Its nothing personal. Really. I love you and your ramblings.
I have a boyfriend. Times have changed since September of last year, huh? He's very kind to me, and sweet, and loving. I love him. He's moderately attractice, he's talented, not retarded, and treats me like a queen.
I do love him.
But why can't I stop looking for something better. Goddamnit, why? I always swore that once I found a guy who'd love me, that I'd love him twice as much. I love my boyfriend, I do I do I do. Woah... deja vu here. I love him soo much, but I can't help but look at Potato or Happy or whatever.
Forensics competitions are murder. All those cute guys in suits... Hawt stuff. I love a confident man. BUT I HAVE ONE I KNOW I LOVE MORE AND WILL HAVE A MORE SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH?
I'm setting myself up for failure. I konw this. Its obvious. If I chase after Potato or Happy, I know that I'll just bring this great thing I have crashing down.
Potato is a 2-faced jerk butt, Happy is a senior (again with the seniors!!) and I'm the only one from B-county who believes and trusts in him. He's a great guy, and it isn't like we were the only ones making Congress all political.
ARGH.
I hate being conflicted. And now ZAC???? HE'S A JERKY MEAN FACE? WHY AM I STUPID? EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH?
*headdesk*
I give up. I love my boyfriend. And its him I'll stay with. Its him I make out with and fantasize about and mess around with and its him, and only him, whom I love.
No one else. I may look. But I never think and I never. Ever. EVER touch.
Amen.
And I don't even believe in god. So it goes...
Posted at 27.3.06 by Cosmic_Toe
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Sunday, September 25, 2005
My friends fucking suck.
Every last fucking one of them.
Well, the ones that live locally. And the dumbfuck in Hoptown.
Go die.
Kthnx.
Posted at 25.9.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Saturday, August 13, 2005
Well, well, well.
I'm a pathetic mess. All I do is read, sleep, eat, lay around, or obsess over guys. I'm sad. I need school to start again. I need classes and my friends' angst and forensics and band to keep me busy. I lay awake at night for hours. One is going to college for petes sake! I'm fucking 15. No college bound adult wants a teenager just starting year 2 of highschool! I'm nearly 4 years younger.
This is embarassing.
And to top it all off I have a sweet little freshman who has something for me. And after I did whatever I did to Pavorati (not real name), I don't know what to do with him. And whatever happened to/with/involving Pavorati was an accident. I don't have anything for the little freshman... not like that. I just don't want to hurt him and turn him against me.
Damn.
I got through book 4 of Harry Potter in 3 hours yesterday.
Setting sail on the good ship pathetico...
Posted at 13.8.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Henri De Toulouse Lautrec...
I'm going out with Felrath for a few hours today.
Everyone needs to bond with their friendly neighborhood McGoth sometimes.
Even though she doesn't live in my neighborhood.
Nothing really has happened to me. I spent 3 weeks volunteering at a camp. I thought I'd hate it BUT I ended up loving it and the people there. It was great fun.
I'm all together burnt out on Highschool and I still have this year and two more to deal with. Oh dear. Spencer and I are on good terms now that I haven't seen him for weeks.
Well. Nothing really is annoying me of late. Got a haircut. It doesn't look all that great to me but everyone else loves it. C'est la vie. I wish the woman who unloaded her ENTIRE life story onto me had done what the picture asked, not what she thought 'looked best'. Especially considering her unfortunate perm-fro thing she had going on. Honestly. Middle aged white women should not have 'Foxy Cleopatra' hair.
And she waxed my eyebrows unevenly. A waste of 40 dollars.
I fell asleep outside in my bathing suit and now my stomach is burned and it hurts to wear clothing. But I do it anyway.
Posted at 12.7.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Thursday, June 02, 2005
Get out of my head, creepy kid.
I have spoken about .007 words to you.
This is stupid.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted at 2.6.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
To say I'm a paranoid little sucker is an understatement.
I would give a few digits on my feet to always know what people thought about me. I wish I could read minds and that everyone I liked and wanted to be friends with felt the same for me.
I hate how Cat Boy has this Schizo on and off hatred for me. I hugged him congrats after his remarkable performance in the school play- he freaks out. I did it as friends as I've gotten over him.
For the next 2 weeks and at a friend's birthday party he was a total malcontent to me. Mean, snarky, or even worse- ignoring me.
So I go... FINE! Screw off. Whatever. I don't need you and your angst over Ingolia or whatever. Then...
He's nice to me like it never happened.
What the bloody blue fuck?
WHY DOES HE DO THIS!
Argh.
I don't have to talk to him until next year and then he'll be graduated and I'll be happy.
And his sister is alot cooler. Bah.
And that guy in my Gen.Sci.Hon. class who was interesting? He still is. Christian W will always be in the back of my mind. Though its not a 'liek omg hes so hawt!!eleventy elevenen' that you find so often in here- I worry about him. I have a sneaking feeling that something isn't right with him. Not that he's a psycopath that will bomb BCHS though that is the general consensus about him.
Hell, I had to bloody well pry Will B and some stoner kid off of him when they got into a 'spat' over something stupid once.
Agh.
This is too much.
I hope he's ok. Because I have a feeling no one else will. Though I hope I'm wrong. Really. I do. Maybe he's well adjusted and has 342iy45iu23y432487320975-80775-87987594375 to the power of infinity friends that no one knows about. Maybe he doesn't. I don't know.
This is really weird. I don't usually notice quiet people who try and avoid society. I leave them be. As I've left this person alone as I don't really know what the hells up. I don't know.
I'm really worried. I shouldn't be, I don't know him, he doesn't look like anything is wrong but... Call it woman's intuition. Call it me watching too many Law and Order(S) in a row. Call it the fact that both of us are Star Wars fanatics. Or that he always is reading.
I'm just... concerned. And not sure why.
Bai.
Posted at 26.5.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Friday, May 20, 2005
I am a man of constant sorrow
Well, woman actually.
Today has been ok. Updating all my blogs so they don't get deleted from the magical internet. Fun o riffic all the time, eh?
School is out.
I haven't updated this in 28 days. Lol, 28 days. Oh dear.
I hate the people I will work with this summer.
This is all.
Posted at 20.5.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Friday, April 22, 2005
I really hate it when people log off without saying bye or later or even G2G? How hard is it to type that.
Honestly.
It makes me paranoid and I get all afraid that they hate me or were off put by one of my remarks then I freak out and ARGHLDLAJFDLAJF;LDSA.
Yep.
I'm overreacting now.
Bye.
Posted at 22.4.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Monday, April 18, 2005
Caving in and other things...
Yeah. I posted webcam photos. Only they weren't poorly posed. I just wanted to look cute. I made one black and white and angst-riddled for a good poke at all those stupid 'emotional' webphotos you find in livejournals and the journals of people who harass you for no true reason.
I need to finish my bookcards. Argh, minivan.
Due to testing we had our lunch times fucked up. Guess who was in my lunch. Just guess. Here are some hints-
1- polar fleece (even in 80 degree weather. I guess he can't feel it or something)(Secret government mind over matter techniques perhaps?)
2- sideburns
3- packed lunch
Yeah, it was him. He was sitting with the band kids and there was no room so I sat with a bunch of my other friends. Luckily I had a good vantage to look/drool over him. So I have no chance in hell- its ok, I can still look. I'm not obsessed or anything creepy. I only was late looking for him once. And I have never run from the bandroom to the bus stop to wait for the Voc school bus to come back. And I don't know where he parks. If I was a stalker, I'd know that stuff.
So there.
Today was great though. Even though Spencer was a jerk again (this is becoming recurrent and its really annoying), I was quite hot. I was getting guys to flirt with me and be shy and give me those little secret glances that are so adorable... Agh. I have developed the cosmic horn- I'm hopelessly interested in everyone. This is annoying. Some skinny skinny skinny (emphasis on the word SKINNY) kid in my Gen.Sci.Hon class is hopelessly interesting because he won't talk to me. Well, he basically snarked at me once for me asking him about his report on CHERNOBYL. I can like CHERNOBYL if I want to. Even if I can't spell it. But he never talks, you know? And he seems smart and capable of brain function unlike half my classmates.
Its like a game- me trying to get him to talk to me.
I got him to smile at my antics while I was attacking Elijah and Nathan for pouring water on me and breaking my pencils. Elijah and Nathan are 2/3 of a triplet set. Is this any suprise?
All I do is perform for people.
But the smiles are worth it.
I'll ask for his screen name tomorrow and if he's any fun I'll keep him around to talk to.
Oh what fun.
I'm excited.
Heehee
Posted at 18.4.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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Saturday, April 02, 2005
Ok. Recycle boy at state.
We make it down to WKU. Well, sorta. We missbooked our reservations so we had to stay at a crappy motel. He didn't ride the bus and pulled up in a monsterous explorer around 10 pm-ish. We attempted to have pseudo congress practice in his/Joe's/everyone and their mom's room and it didn't happen.
I talked to him alot on Friday. It was fun. He's damn amusing. Doesn't stare too much at one's chest. That really isn't a good quality but its human so it makes me feel better.
Ok. So I admit I was snooping around the cafeteria looking for him and being late for my 3rd block class. Oh well. He's really... nice looking in those high collared polar fleece deals.
I'm not obsessed am I?
Got a new cell phone. Its entirely too tiny. To the point of being inconvenient. It is smaller than my palm, but then again I have huge hands for a girl. Its 4 INCHES LONG THOUGH!
I christen it Midget phone.
Posted at 2.4.05 by Cosmic_Toe
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I am most definately myself, though on some days I am not.
I enjoy the opposite sex and what seems to be their never ending bag of tricks.
My name is Sara, I am an honors student in the Sorta-South (KY, god save me) and am very cold. Temperature wise.
I like French. I speak it rather well too.
I refuse to post pictures. Especially webcam shots... How self-gratifying. How... vain.
Bah.
Sometimes I wonder why we have these interesting little sidebars here... Its amazing. I'm talking to Rennay and wondering why I am always so cold and why I like and don't like the people I do.
Octavian is so over. Yay.
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